Talk:Sex trafficking in Europe
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Please give me suggestions for this page
Required Peer Review
The intro section seems to have many long, possibly run-on, sentences that are possibly missing comas or can be broken down. Maybe just an evaluation of sentence structure. The history section is addressing the history in other countries/regions and not in Eastern European regions. I would suggest a brief one paragraph on the external history and more elaborate information on the history of sex trafficking in the specific region. In the causes section the sub-section poverty has a few sentence structure problems. I would suggest elaborating more on militarization, just what the term means and many dates. In this year or with this war. The recruitment, consequences, and Prevalence sections also have a few sentence structural/grammatical issues that need to be read through and corrected. Besides the grammar issues and, I would suggest, citations in some places, the article is very informative. The section separations makes it much easier to read. Teashias (talk) 04:48, 23 April 2012 (UTC)
Very interesting report on sex and human trafficking. It is a very sad subject but it is important for more people to be made aware of how prevalent sex trafficking is in today’s world. The information that you gave was great. Most of my suggestions are just about grammatical things that came up while reading your paper. One thing that might be interesting to add if you have time would be the HIV rates in the region and in the individual countries. I wonder if a direct correlation exists with an increase of trafficking and STDs. You may want to go through the entire document again just to address grammar and structure issues but the paper is very informative.
Great paper The last sentence in the introduction “so these media campaigns are important in preventing trafficking.” History of trafficking Grammar issue 3rd paragraph You can also use the Rape of Nanking as an example in this section. It can be linked in Wikipedia as “the massacre of Nanking” 4th paragraph second line- …go to places such as the… Israel took advantage of the demand for European women that brothels were bug money makers ..brothels were big money makers.
5th paragraph into essentially slavery-into an environment of essential slavery. Poverty Girls are there for not educated and are sent away to work- …Therefore, girls are not educated and are sent away from the family to work…\ Prevalence IOL ? you might want to list the name of the agency the first time you use it in this section instead of at the end.Haskimas B Naskasi (talk) 04:25, 24 April 2012 (UTC)
U of U Peer Review
Despite some grammar issues, I think this article is very well-written and has a lot of solid information. I don't really have many suggestions except for taking another look at the introduction. It was a little long, and I would even consider taking out the paragraph on "human trafficking." You could probably reference that down at the bottom of the page. Also, I would narrow down the history section to only include the history of sex trafficking specifically in Eastern Europe. Have you looked to see if there is another page that explains the history of sex trafficking worldwide? If there is one, you could also reference that article at the bottom of the page. Otherwise, I think this is a really good article. Chelseygruber (talk) 23:17, 24 April 2012 (UTC)
Response to Peer Reviews
Hello All- I thank you for reviewing my article. I edited down my intro and cut down the history section because it seemed that all of you thought those were too long. I also went through and hopefully got most of the grammatical errors. FOr Wikipedia, I went to Human trafficking and eAtern Europe and added a link to this page to hopefully unorphan it. I would put a source at the end of the paragraph because that whole paragraph was summarized from the one source. I thought it looked cluttered with access citations in the paragraph. I did not write the militarization so I did want to elaborate it since I had enough information besides that section. My entry is a little long. There were also conficting statistics on most issues with sex trafficking, particulary the health isssues, because i looked for some. Thanks for the feeback. Bryner2 (talk) 15:56, 26 April 2012 (UTC)