Made In Chelsea: Maeva’s dad is OBSESSED with Miles… as Verity’s mum FORCES Tristan to be exclusive with her

Maeva’s French dad is in town, so James has rented one of the sports cars he seems to have unlimited access to in an attempt to impress him. But unfortunately the dad is totally obsessed with Miles and is sadder about him and Maeva splitting up than Maeva was. And she ugly-cried on a park bench about it wearing a cardigan.

The dad is oppressive and hates James. He is tailor-made for Made In Chelsea and you can tell that he clearly tutored Maeva before she joined the show and told her precisely how to look psychotically at someone and rant hysterically in French in an ex-lover's face.

The dad tells James that he’s heard he is ‘a Casanova’ but says it in French, claiming he cannot speak English. This is merely a tactic to intimidate James. He is probably the editor of the 2020 edition of the Oxford English Dictionary on the side.

Made In Chelsea: Maeva’s French dad is in town, so James has rented one of the sports cars he seems to have unlimited access to in an attempt to impress him

Made In Chelsea: Maeva’s French dad is in town, so James has rented one of the sports cars he seems to have unlimited access to in an attempt to impress him

He tells James that Maeva is his child/princess/life and says, ‘Le respect de Maeva,’ like a serial killer would say, ‘After you…’ before ushering someone into a dark woodshed.

Everyone’s talking about Verity sexing up Tristan. Apparently they’ve done it every night for the last five nights and have even had showers together afterwards.

Melissa can’t remember the last time she and Harry did that and asks Verity whether there was lotion-rubbing involved at all.

Awkward: The dad is oppressive and hates James. He is tailor-made for Made In Chelsea and you can tell that he clearly tutored Maeva before she joined the show

Awkward: The dad is oppressive and hates James. He is tailor-made for Made In Chelsea and you can tell that he clearly tutored Maeva before she joined the show

Verity then drops the bombshell that Tristan’s bathroom doesn’t have a door and Melissa rightly asks how she uses the toilet.

‘We’ve crossed that boundary,’ Verity says.

Basically this is the fastest-moving relationship on Earth because there are couples who reach their deathbeds without having witnessed one another’s faecal activity.

Maeva’s obsessed father invites Miles to have a drink with him so they can speak in French to one another.

Gossip: Everyone’s talking about Verity sexing up Tristan. Apparently they’ve done it every night for the last five nights and have even had showers together afterwards

Gossip: Everyone’s talking about Verity sexing up Tristan. Apparently they’ve done it every night for the last five nights and have even had showers together afterwards

He is besotted with the boy and can barely speak when Miles walks through the door, he is so overcome with adoration.

They chat away in French and Miles proves how native he is by saying ‘Wa’ instead of ‘Oui’ and it’s all very cosy until the dad goes a bit nasty and says to Miles: ‘Maybe James is mature enough to do things differently and you might get there someday too.’

Maeva then arrives and is fuming that Miles and her dad are still BFFs and so gets her own back by thanking Miles because, ‘thanks to you I’ve met an amazing guy’.

Ouch! 

Still pals: Maeva’s obsessed father invites Miles to have a drink with him so they can speak in French to one another

Still pals: Maeva’s obsessed father invites Miles to have a drink with him so they can speak in French to one another

Hugging it out: He is besotted with the boy and can barely speak when Miles walks through the door, he is so overcome with adoration

Hugging it out: He is besotted with the boy and can barely speak when Miles walks through the door, he is so overcome with adoration

Scary French dad then tells Miles that they ‘may never meet again’, twisting the knife in deeper.

Another awkward parental situation materialises elsewhere in the form of Denise, Denise, Verity’s mother.

They’re having drinks and she refuses to leave until she has met Tristan, who Verity has stupidly arranged to meet at the same bar.

Meet the parents: Another awkward parental situation materialises elsewhere in the form of Denise, Denise, Verity’s mother

Meet the parents: Another awkward parental situation materialises elsewhere in the form of Denise, Denise, Verity’s mother

In he walks, blindsided, awkwardly stuttering that he can see where Verity gets her looks from like a moron.

Denise then announces that Verity has discussed numerous times how she thinks Tristan is ‘fit’; and - just so the ground can swallow Tristan up totally - she asks if they’re exclusive.

Verity – who should have said, ‘Shhh, mother, behave!’ – instead chooses to ANSWER the question by telling Tristan that she’d be fuming if he had a bit on the side. By default, Tristan is forced into saying they are now exclusive, despite having only known each other for about 120 hours.

Bold: Denise then announces that Verity has discussed numerous times how she thinks Tristan is ‘fit’; and - just so the ground can swallow Tristan up totally - she asks if they’re exclusive

Bold: Denise then announces that Verity has discussed numerous times how she thinks Tristan is ‘fit’; and - just so the ground can swallow Tristan up totally - she asks if they’re exclusive

Digby is going to some sort of safari-themed modelling workshop for three months and Liv is panicking a bit about it.

Her real worry lies in the fact that she won’t have any sex for three months.

Liv, sweetheart, being single again potentially guarantees you won’t have sex for about NINE months, so don’t get your knickers in a twist over this.

On the spot: Verity – who should have said, ‘Shhh, mother, behave!’ – instead chooses to ANSWER the question by telling Tristan that she’d be fuming if he had a bit on the side

On the spot: Verity – who should have said, ‘Shhh, mother, behave!’ – instead chooses to ANSWER the question by telling Tristan that she’d be fuming if he had a bit on the side

Sophie and Fred are hooked up to some electronic machinery which is apparently a form of exercise. It’s not clear how or why this is good for you but there’s a hunky blonde man turning knobs in front of them and they’re squealing, so something good must be happening here.

Turns out this is how Sophie stays looking so toned and it has the added bonus of being a bit sadomasochistic as well. Ideal really, as she’s miles away from her torture chamber in the Black Forest.

Maeva has called the situation RE: Miles and her dad. ‘Sometimes I think Miles was actually in love with my dad, not me,’ she tells James.

Tears: Digby is going to some sort of safari-themed modelling workshop for three months and Liv is panicking a bit about it

Tears: Digby is going to some sort of safari-themed modelling workshop for three months and Liv is panicking a bit about it

Maeva then says that her dad said he was happy Maeva is happy. He didn’t say ‘I like James’ though, did he?

There’s some unexplained black tie soiree happening, presumably to mark the end of the series Only it’s not the end of the series because they go to Argentina next week and then come back for Christmas, so everyone’s pretty confused.

Still, everyone tries to wrap things up nicely, as if it were in fact the Christmas special.

Four's a crowd: Maeva has called the situation RE: Miles and her dad. ‘Sometimes I think Miles was actually in love with my dad, not me,’ she tells James

Four's a crowd: Maeva has called the situation RE: Miles and her dad. ‘Sometimes I think Miles was actually in love with my dad, not me,’ she tells James

Verity apologises to Emily for being a bitch – as she struts up to Tristan and snogs him in front of Emily’s face.

Emily chooses to take the high road here. In fact, she takes possibly the highest road anyone on MIC has ever taken. Perhaps even in overall life, not just MIC. She tells them they’re a good couple and wishes them well. It’s unnerving to be honest.

Everyone else then starts reflecting on the year as if it’s New Year’s Eve but it’s really not and the episode ends leaving us confused, frightened and deeply distressed.

Sophie and Fred are hooked up to some electronic machinery which is apparently a form of exercise. It’s not clear how or why this is good for you

Sophie and Fred are hooked up to some electronic machinery which is apparently a form of exercise. It’s not clear how or why this is good for you

Made In Chelsea: Maeva's dad is OBSESSED with Miles

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